The person behind the performance.
The patterns behind the conflict.
The practice behind real change.
I help individuals and couples uncover what's driving how they show up in relationships, interrupt the patterns that keep them disconnected, and develop the skills to do things differently.
Free Consultations
Virtual Appointments
Evening & Weekend Availability
Individual & Couples Sessions
WHO I WORK WITH
Successful, but not fulfilled.
Capable, but not connected.
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Experiencing their relationship deteriorate despite real desire or repeated efforts to fix it
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Ready for more structure or guidance after therapy or counseling didn’t move things forward
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Full of insight about their patterns but still stuck repeating them
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Convinced their situation is too complicated or unusual for typical relationship help
I work with high-performing individuals, couples, and people in multi-partner relationships who are:
Entrepreneurs & Business Owners
Founders, CEOs & high performers
Married & committed couples
One partner on their own
Open, poly & ENM
RLT-informed · TRAUMA-INFORMED relationship coaching
Love isn't the problem. The way you fight is.
Practical, skills-first relationship coaching. Learn to fight fair, repair effectively, and build the closeness you want, with coaching informed by Terry Real’s Relational Life Therapy (RLT) approach, from the New York Times bestseller Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.
What brings people in
Children
Regulating yourself during difficult moments, modeling accountability, repairing after conflict, and maintaining authority without relying on control or shame.
Friends
Addressing tension rather than avoiding it, asking for what you need, respecting differences, and creating more reciprocal relationships.
Your Partner(s)
Navigating disagreements without escalating, repairing ruptures, maintaining individuality, and building intimacy without sacrificing honesty.
Colleagues
Receiving feedback without defensiveness, handling disagreement without power struggles, communicating expectations, and recognizing when authority or status is influencing a dynamic.
Setting limits without getting pulled into old roles, managing guilt and expectations, and relating to parents or siblings as the adult you are now.
Family
BEYOND YOUR PARTNER
It's more than relationships.
It's relationality.
Many people come in because of a romantic relationship, but relational work is about so much more. The way you communicate, handle conflict, set boundaries, and respond when you feel challenged affects far more than your love life.
You might find yourself less reactive with your kids, more direct with your parents, better equipped to navigate difficult colleagues, or more comfortable being honest with friends. You may even change the way you treat yourself—recognizing your own needs, questioning old assumptions, and extending yourself the same respect you expect from others.
Different relationships bring out different sides of us. Learning to recognize those dynamics gives you more choice in how you show up, whoever you're dealing with.
Yourself
Recognizing your triggers, challenging harsh self-talk, expressing needs without guilt, and responding rather than reacting.
WORK WITH ME
Where do you want to start?
20 MINUTES · FREE
Discovery call
Not sure where to start? Tell me what’s happening, where you're at, and what you’ve already tried. We’ll see if working together makes sense.
COUPLES
Rebuilding Us
Structured or semi-structured couples coaching that gets beneath your patterns, builds new skills, and turns insight into lasting change.
INDIVIDUALS
About relationships, or not! A safe place to explore, uncover patterns and blind spots, navigate difficult decisions, and develop practical ways to move forward.
Solo coaching
INDIVIDUALS
Foundations for Change
Most people start “doing the work” before checking whether they’re at the starting line. Lay the foundation, so the work can actually work.
COUPLES
Private Intensive
A private, immersive experience designed from the ground up around your unique relationship, challenges, and goals.
couples - individuals
Relationship Bootcamp
A two-day crash course in the relationship skills. Structured learning, small group environment.
COUPLES
The Repair Protocol
A focused program for couples stuck in a painful conflict or rupture. Work through what happened, address the damage, and find a way forward.
MY APPROACH
Proven frameworks for
progress.
You don't get stronger by talking about exercise. You get stronger by understanding what needs work, learning proper technique, and practicing consistently.
I approach relationship work the same way. There's room for exploration, emotion, and the unexpected, but we're not just talking for the sake of talking. Insight matters, but change requires repetition, feedback, and new skills.
THE FOUNDATION
Relational Life Therapy (RLT) coaching
The approach from Terry Real's bestseller Us. Swap 'you versus me' for 'us.' Speak up with love and listen with generosity, without shrinking or steamrolling.
- The five losing strategies
- Adaptive child vs. wise adult
- The Feedback Wheel
Trauma-informed
Old hurts shape today's fights. We work at a pace your nervous system can handle, you decide what you share and when, and nobody gets pushed into reliving something just to prove a point.
Intimacy
Emotional intelligence
ADDITIONAL TOOLS
PAIRS coaching
Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills (PAIRS). Concrete, teachable tools for talking, listening, and handling conflict.
- Daily Temperature Reading
- Fair Fight for Change
- The Dialogue Guide
Communication
Whole-person
Real growth means considering all of you: the emotional, physical, social, and spiritual dimensions of each person and of the relationship itself. Your stress, health, family, friendships, beliefs, and whatever gives your life meaning all shape how you love. If it matters to you, it belongs in the conversation.
Boundaries
Conflict & repair
PROPER REPAIR
The Repair Protocol
My step-by-step guide for repairing from rupture. You get a path to follow when your nervous system won't let you think.
- Building discomfort tolerance through safe interactions
- Building better boundaries
- Syncing your "why" for repair
Rebuilding trust
COACHING VS. THERAPY
Do we need a therapist? Maybe.
Maybe not.
When a relationship gets difficult, most people assume couples therapy is the next step. But therapy isn't your only option, and it isn't always the best fit.
The question isn't which one is better. It's what kind of support do you actually need?
Therapy is the answer when clinical care is necessary. If mental health conditions, significant trauma symptoms, addiction, or other clinical concerns need treatment, a licensed therapist can provide that care.
Coaching is the answer when you’re ready to change how you show up, in yourself and with others. Sometimes the work is the dynamic: the same fight on repeat, one of you shutting down while the other pushes harder. Sometimes it’s personal: your own reactivity, the boundaries you can’t hold, the walls you put up, or the way success at work hasn’t carried over into closeness at home. Coaching works on both. You’ll learn to recognize your patterns, understand what drives them, and practice new responses.
The answer might be both. Therapy and coaching aren't competitors. You can work on your mental health with a therapist while building healthier relationship skills with a coach. One doesn't invalidate the other.
COUPLES THERAPY
RELATIONSHIP COACHING
BEST FOR
Diagnosable mental health conditions, active trauma, addiction, safety concerns
Functional people stuck in painful patterns who want to change them
FOCUS
Healing clinical mental health conditions and dysfunction
Moving away from dysfunctional strategies and connecting with each other on a deep emotional level
STYLE
Often exploratory and open-ended
Direct, structured, and skills-based, with real homework
PACE
Months to years
Focused sprints and intensives
YOU LEAVE WITH
Insight
Insight plus tools you can use mid-fight
I’m an ICF-credentialed coach, not a licensed therapist or mental health professional. Coaching is not psychotherapy, and I don’t diagnose or treat mental health conditions. I work within my training and scope.
Why many people choose a coach
No diagnosis
You're not a patient, and your relationship isn't a disorder. We work on skills and patterns, not labels.
Wherever you live
Therapists are generally licensed state by state. Coaching isn't limited that way, so you can work with me from anywhere.
No insurance claim
Insurance usually covers couples work only when one partner has a diagnosis and is listed as the patient. Coaching is private pay, so nothing goes to an insurer.
Formats that fit real life
Full-day intensives and weekend bootcamps, not only fifty minutes a week. Some couples get further in one focused day.
No clinical record
Coaching doesn't create a medical or mental health chart. Some clients, including service members, pilots, and public-facing leaders, prefer it that way.
Direct and active
I'll tell you what I see and what to try. You get structure, clear feedback, and practice, not just a place to talk.
YOUR COACH
Hi, I'm Antoinette.
I work where intimacy, identity, and behavior meet.
Every relationship runs on a system: the stories you each tell yourselves, the strategies you learned to protect yourself, and the patterns you keep repeating. The fights, the distance, and the things that never get said are what that system produces. Change the system, and you change what's possible between you.
That's my work. I coach couples and individuals on intimacy, emotional intelligence, communication, boundaries, and repair.
I spent 25 years in the Marine Corps, where "adapt and overcome" is a way of life. I learned how people change under pressure, and I've been helping them change on purpose since 2007. Along the way, I earned Master's degrees in Human Behavior and Cultural Anthropology, and a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. I'm also a mother and an entrepreneur, so I know what it's like to love people while carrying a lot.
I'm a work in progress, just like you. I've been in the trenches of deliberately "doing the work" myself and in relationships for decades—through periods of betrayal, loss, grief, trauma, joy, passion, connection, and transition. I've invested countless hours in my own healing work—psychotherapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, plant medicine ceremonies, sweat lodges, drum circles, sound baths, Safe and Sound Protocol, breathwork, yoga, wilderness therapy programs, Internal Family Systems, Intensive Outpatient Programs, inner child work, Prolonged Exposure Therapy, Cranial Electrotherapy Stimulation, ritual hook pulls, Stellate Ganglion Block, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, medications, supplements, meditation, workshops, retreats, seminars... so I'm a fellow traveler. We're in this together.
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ICF-credentialed (ACC)
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PAIRS Level 2 Relationship Skills Facilitator
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Relational Life Therapy (RLT) Coach
(certification in progress) -
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Practitioner
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Clinical Sexologist (DHS)
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Cultural Anthropologist (MA)
THE WORK BEHIND MY WORK
Human behavior is my field of study,
not just my field of practice.
I've spent decades conducting interdisciplinary research into human behavior, sexuality, identity, power, and culture—examining how people think and act as individuals, partners, members of groups, and participants in larger social systems. I bring an investigative, multidimensional approach to our work—looking beyond the obvious, questioning assumptions, and connecting the dots between individual behaviors, relationship dynamics, and the larger forces shaping them.
Anthropology of Romantic Love
My ethnographic research looks at human mating and relating strategies, with a focus on emotional self-regulation, co-regulation, and cultural influence.
Masculinity and Culture
Masculinities and culture are the two focus areas of my PhD work. I bring that research together with years of lived experience alongside military members and veterans, including my work with the Warrior Intimacy Institute.
Intimacy, Work, and Money
As a researcher with the Erotic Entrepreneurship Project, I spent years learning and publishing about the intersections of intimacy, authenticity, and professionalization.
